You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
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he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
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Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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