please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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