You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
