I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
