Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
North Korea, Best Korea!
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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