saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
We have started to decorate penises.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize
