5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
