I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
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