He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
