Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
