i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
