My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
