Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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