You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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