what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
