I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
