Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Banned from zoo.
Again?
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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