between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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