Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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