and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
