Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Randomize
