so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
