went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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