so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Randomize
