He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
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I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
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Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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