Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize