Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
