im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
