real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
