I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
