I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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