I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
