she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Fuck appropriateness.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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