Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
