Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
