AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
