I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
MIDGETS
????
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
