Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Randomize
