Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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