brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
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My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
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I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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