That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
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