my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I touched a dick in church today
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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