the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
