just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
