She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
