You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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