im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Randomize
