When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
