Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
