my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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