my phone needs a breathalizer
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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