Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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