Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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