dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
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