I'm eating all of the evidence.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Barsexuality is the new black.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
