please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
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