your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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