I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
