Your face is a jimmy john
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
