I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
