So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
there is puke in my bra ... again
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
