Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
