wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize
