just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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