are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Can vaginas get frostbite?
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
