i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
