the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
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