I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
