i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
