I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
tell me about the fingering
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