Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
