I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
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I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
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If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
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