drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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