Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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