i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
