I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
